Really??!!

This past month has absolutely flown by. So many fun things have begun. Emma and Lincoln started swim team again. Sam is in swim lessons. We are all doing more bike riding. Ted is gearing up for his bike races. Tessa is in a big girl bed. Emma is in Young Women's. Sammy lost his first tooth.

Life is great, and we are loving it.

However, lest we get too comfortable there will always be a few things that make you stop and say, "REALLY??!!" And just to be clear, I am not saying this in a tone of, "that is great" or "I can't believe it." Rather, it is more a tone of "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????"

Example: In our kitchen there were four cabinets that were cut to the wrong size. Send them back, re-order them again, wait the two weeks to have them built, another week for the staining, glazing, blah, blah, blah....and then finally? Ah.....the day arrives. The cabinet installer gets here with beautiful doors. I could almost cry. The kitchen is so close to being done. The next words from his mouth should be "Ta-Da!!!" Instead, a cry of anguish. The doors that were too narrow are now the right width, but they are two inches too short. REALLY??!!!

Second example: We have mostly switched from ground beef to ground turkey. As I thawed some meat for dinner I ran outside to grab something. In that brief moment Tessa opened the microwave, reached in, and grabbed a handful of raw ground turkey. Being poultry I called poison control. No need to panic. Just spend the next 24 to 72 hours watching for signs of salmonella poisoning. REALLY??!!! (She is okay by the way).

Last example: At any given point in the day you will probably hear kids running around, doors being opened and closed as kids are in and out, music playing, and occasionally some TV. What you will also hear is a constant "THUD" as a narcissistic bird runs into our window. I'm not exaggerating when I say he does this about 200 times a day. When you look in from the window there is a mirror. I can only imagine that each time he makes an attempt at the window he is thinking "this time I'll make it to that good looking bird!" I have resorted to closing our dining room drapes in an effort to dissuade him. No such luck. the drapes make the window an even bigger mirror. The thuds continue incessantly. I can usually tune him out, but at 6:00 in the morning I begin dreaming of Red Ryder BB guns. Whether the bird is just dumb or narcissistic you find yourself thinking "REALLY??!!"

Here he is waiting for his next attempt...

And making another attempt. Stupid bird.

Life keeps us guessing, doesn't it?

By the way, I'm the new girl's camp director - REALLY??!!

Sad Goodbyes and Remembering

This is somehow therapeutic for me. This blog serves as my family's history - and she is a part of that.

It has been almost four years since we met.

It has been almost nine months since she went back to work and begn a messy divorce.

It has been four and a half months since she called me in the middle of the night telling me her son Lincoln's age was on our doorstep so she could take her other son to the hospital since he was having a hard time breathing. No questions, no explanations, and that was the way it should be.

It has been since the end of March that she really started to feel like the world was caving in on her.

It has been 10 days since I hugged her as she wished me a happy birthday and handed me a package delivered to her house since I was gone.

It has been 7 days since I emailed her.

It has been 7 days since she emailed me back telling me her schedule and saying she would be in touch. Instead of her signature "Keep smiling" sign off, it was "Love you."

It has been 7 days since I dismissed concerns in my head.

It has been 7 days since she died.

It has been 6 days since a friend she was supposed to meet called police when she didn't show up.

It has been 6 days since I pulled into my driveway, saw the cars, and knew.

It has been 2 days since her funeral. And that felt wrong.

It has been 1 day since her boys played over here - and that felt right.

It has been 35 minutes since I last wept for her.

There are many more questions than answers. More "what if" scenarios playing through my mind than anything else. More people wanting answers and not finding them. More people wanting to blame someone - and not knowing who to blame. I am sure that somehow and someday everyone will find peace, because life moves forward, but not yet.

Cassandra was always out with the kids playing in the yard, hanging out with all of us as we watched the kids, making smores in her firepit, laughing, smiling - she had an infectious smile, and driving around in her big Suburban as her tiny body barely saw over the steering wheel. She was an amazing tennis player, always remembered birthdays - the whole family's, took the kids skiing, ice skating, and she would take the kids swimming even when I couldn't go with her. Whenever she saw Tessa she was reaching out to hold her and kiss her. When I went to the gym she would find me to say hello and chat for a bit - then she would go to the child care center to see Tessa again. All of the kids adored her. When we had struggles we would talk together and cry together. When we had successes she was the first to congratulate and celebrate. She made a mean lasagna - it was my favorite. Every Christmas Eve she brought over homemade cinnamon rolls for us to bake on Christmas morning.

And she has two terrific young boys who we took swimming yesterday - they were smiling, laughing, playing, and reminding me what is right.

Today was a beautiful day. Perfect weather. Perfect temperature. She would have loved it. She would have been out in her tennis skirt playing with the kids. The sun was setting behind the bluff, and it was beautiful. I couldn't resist taking a million pictures. Emma and Tessa sat and played with the grass.

Sam, Lincoln, and Ted jumped on the trampoline.

Tessa ventured over to the slide. We had root beer floats and the kids wore ice cream mustaches. It felt right.

As I sit her writing, I realize how many problems there were, and I didn't know how bad it was. I also realize just how many wonderful memories I have of her. She was my neighbor and my friend. I mourn this loss for myself, for my kids, and most of all for her kids. Will they ever know how much she adored them?

I will remember her always. We will have "Cassandra" rolls on Christmas morning. I will remember her smile. I will find joy in her boys being over here and reminding me that life moves forward. I will remember how blessed I am to have the gospel in my life. I will soak in and try to memorize every minute with my children and my sweet husband. I will strive to have people remember me for my smile the way I will remember her. I have been blessed in my life to have known her, and I know I am blessed beyond measure. My cup truly runneth over.

I will remember this..........and this feels right.

Pinewood Derby 2009!

Our scout troop decided a couple of years ago that they were going to take the weight restrictions off of the pinewood derby cars. They realized that many parents ended up making the cars - not the boys. They wanted the boys just to have fun with it and get creative. It has been AWESOME!


This year Lincoln had a clear idea of what he wanted. He worked on the car himself. He put the plaster on himself. He painted it himself. And it was exactly what he wanted.....a bus.





He had a great time and fun was had by all. My personal favorite? The bumper sticker on the back. Linc - you are a crack up!

Easter 2009

Easter is always one of my favorites. The kids rank it right up there with Christmas and Halloween. It is a great day.

I love that Emma wanted to do a family night lesson about the true meaning of Easter.

I love coloring eggs. (Tessa even tried drinking the egg color until we put a quick stop to that. That is when she lost her shirt as well. )

I love the egg hunt in the morning. I love the search for the Easter baskets.

I love the way the kids look in their Easter outfits.

I love Easter dinner.

I love the way Ted searches through all of the candy and is like a kid himself.

One added bonus? I love that it was sunny and warm yesterday - we haven't seen that in a while!

Happy Easter!

Do you need help with a remodel?

If you are looking for someone to coordinate your minor remodel job then maybe we can help. Of course, you need to be looking for our special talents. You need to spend more than you planned, you need to have it take nine times longer than you expected with no immediate finish date in sight, and you need to have to switch contractors smack dab in the middle of the project and therefore spend time trying to match what has been done before and pick up the pieces. As an added bonus you will become intimately familiar with what is in your cabinets because they won't have cabinet doors on them. You will also become limber and adept at reaching inside cabinets to push out drawers since there will not be drawer fronts on them.

If this is what you are looking for, then man oh man -- you are in luck. We are the people for you.

Don't get me wrong - we get that in the scheme of things this is no big deal, and we can appreciate that. That being said, if we never look at another cabinet door or talk to cabinet makers - that's okay with me.

Are we old enough to have a 12-year-old?

As much as we would like to deny being old enough - the answer is yes. We are old enough, and we do in fact have a 12-year-old. This year we were going to be in Utah for a quick weekend, so my sister put together a surprise party for Emma - and she loved it!! It is always a special treat to see your cousins, and she had gotten to spend the previous day with her other cousins and was thrilled about that, so to see them all and have all the attention on her made her ecstatic! What could be better? She really had a great time, although I think she about had a heart attack when she went downstairs and they yelled "Surprise!" It was priceless.

Although we see glimpses of true teenage behavior coming through - we are enjoying the attributes of this 12-year-old immensely! Here are 10 things about her:

1. Emma loves being in Young Women. She is so excited. I thought I would be sad to see her leave primary, but she was so clearly ready that I was actually thrilled for her. A few days before her birthday they all came and kidnapped her with a big poster full of candy bars and she was practically jumping out of her skin she was so excited. It almost brought tears to my eyes.

2. Emma is a great cook. She loves baking - not something I love, so the whole family is thrilled to have one cook in the house! However, I did make her a "soccer" cake, and at least she seemed to be able to tell what it was!

3. Emma is one heck of a soccer player (hence, the above cake). For years we have been telling her to play more aggressively. She used to run up to the ball, see that someone else was going for it, so she would stop and let them have first shot at it. Now we are trying to tone down the aggressiveness. (Truth be told....she plays like her dad! - although he will deny that)

4. Emma is a great babysitter. Our lives truly opened up the day we had a built in babysitter. We try not to abuse it, but man oh man is it great having a babysitter in the house!

5. Emma is one of the most thoughtful kids I have ever seen. She will, of her own volition, make gifts, buy gifts, or prepare surprises for her siblings and her parents. Sometimes it doesn't even occur to me to do such nice things. She never ceases to amaze me.

6. Emma is a great creative writer.

7. Emma loves to perform in singing groups and is looking forward to her solos in this year's spring musical at her elementary school.

8. Emma can roll her eyes like nobody's business! Okay, just a reminder that my sweet 12-year-old is in fact growing into a teeneager.

9. Emma and her dad are two peas in a pod. Sometimes I sit back in awe at the way they communicate - they just "get" each other.

10. Emma is always up for an adventure. No matter what it is, or how last minute, Emma will go for it, and what is more? She will be a good sport about it.

We love you, Em!

The sneaky leprechauns strike again!

Happy St. Patty's Day to all - the leprechauns worked their mischief here as usual. Whether it is the shamrock kisses on their hands, the shoes filled with candy, the overturned barstools, the upside down pictures, the green "gems" from kindergarten, or the green milk - the kids love it!

Lincoln told me this morning why he loves St. Patrick's Day so much. He said, "there's no calendar to count down so you are just surprised and excited to have a holiday the next morning....and you get candy!"

I guess that about sums it up. Happy St. Patrick's Day!